November 12

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The Black Hole of Narcissist Abuse

Search online for the term narcissist.

Last time I looked there were almost 70 million results. It is definitely a topic of interest. It makes me wonder if Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) isn’t a growing trend.

I have personal experience with this. I had a 27 year marriage to someone with NPD.

But here’s the thing: I had no idea until year 25. Whoops!

Why?

I was naïve. It never occurred to me that I could be in such a relationship.

Now, as I look back, some good came from this. For one, I have first-hand experience with NPD. In-depth experience. I call it my “PhD in Narcissism.”

I also have done a deep-dive to uncover the clues that were there.

What signs did I miss in 25 years? Here is a short list:

And there were many more.

1. Being told on a regular basis that I didn’t know how to communicate with her.

2. Never hearing from her how I could improve. When I asked, she said, “You should know how!”

3. Being told “Everyone says this about you.” In retrospect I should have asked, “Who says this?”

4. Her chameleon nature. She would appear in whatever way would get her what she wanted.

5. Playing the victim. This hooked into my empathetic nature. I wanted to fix whatever was wrong with her.

6. Judging. Talking about how wrong everyone else was. Never admitting her own mistakes.

7. Bullying. If she couldn’t get her way by being a victim, she would go to bullying. Accusation, anger and ultimatums.

If you’ve lived with a narcissist, you’ve likely had similar experiences. What did you notice? Let me know in the comments below…

About the author 

Bruce Eichelberger

After 27 years married to a narcissist, Bruce is on a mission. He's dedicated to helping women break free of the spell of the toxic narcissist. His rallying cry is, "Victim to Victor!"

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