Most partners of narcissists are caring people.
And that’s a good thing… until it isn’t.
What I mean is that being open-hearted is the sign of a good person. But if they are too open, it can come back on them.
One of the problems is they feel guilty about asking for anything. They don’t want to seem selfish.
Another is they want to help and support their partner. They hope it will help them make positive changes.
All this is good. But when taken to extremes, the caring person can lose sight of the goal, which is helping their partner.
Do selflessness or endless, open-hearted caring work for that goal?
What I recommend my clients do is to take an honest look. I have them ask themselves, “Have these approaches changed anything? Has your partner reciprocated caring for you? Have they realized that they could also do selfless giving?”
If the answer is no, even after years of trying, then nothing has changed. In that case, it is a sign of caring too much.
How about you? Have you experienced this? If so, what did you learn from it?