November 12

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Secrets Narcissists Don’t Want You To Know

I had 27 years of marriage to a narcissist. Yeah, I know… it took me a while to figure it out.

I’ve had many years to ponder the experience. The good news is that I learned a lot from it.

Narcissists have secrets. They are busy thinking about ways to get what they want. And nobody else matters except as they help them get it.

After all that time I have reached several conclusions:

  • At their root, narcissists have one of two extremes. On one hand, they might have low or no self-esteem. On the other, they might see themselves as infallible and better than anyone else.
  • In both cases, they feel entitled. They feel like the world owes them something.
  • Because of this, they learn how to get what they want. They have two ways – they can play the victim or the bully. Both are manipulations.
  • To them, others are objects to manipulate. And it surprises them when these “objects” don’t do their bidding. In fact, they will go to great lengths to get them back in line.
  • It never occurs to them that there is a third option: loving others. That would mean giving up control. They can’t have that. And they would have to think about someone other than themselves.

Expecting a narcissist to change is mostly futile. They behavior gets them what they want. It’s only by denying them the control over you that things can change.

Help others escape the influence of toxic narcissists. Share what has worked for you in the comments below…

About the author 

Bruce Eichelberger

After 27 years married to a narcissist, Bruce is on a mission. He's dedicated to helping women break free of the spell of the toxic narcissist. His rallying cry is, "Victim to Victor!"

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